Walking with your Mate

I recently had a discussion regarding the roles and responsibilities of individuals within a relationship. This discussion was prompted by a comment about the organization Promise Keepers. If you are unfamiliar with them see here.

The basic philosophy behind promise keepers is that men are the leaders in a relationship and women should follow them. This of course is based on the instructions outlined in the Jewish Torah, Christian Bible and the Islamic Qur’an. Which as we all know was very heavily influenced by the culture of the period.

For the sake of this diatribe on PK and their version of how relationships work, I am going to completely ignore the whole women’s movement and equal rights angles. My position is to use common sense.

So my first observation is that a relationship is not limited to a male and a female, but I will stick with the Homo-sapiens species for the time being. Second, I would surmise how the relationship works is based exclusively on the personality types of the individuals involved. You can also include the motivation for the formation of partnerships but that is a much bigger discussion.

My common sense tells me, if I love someone and wish to be in a relationship with that person we must have an understanding of what the definition of a relationship is and what is initialed in maintaining said relationship. It is my observation that a great number of people never do this because they make assumptions based on social norms and what they “see” on the outside world. When a relationship begins to have issues is usually when people begin to question the choices.

First point – Who is the leader, you can’t have a team without a leader. WRONG, you can. The reality of it is that one person will have a more dominant personality (cleric) and the other a less dominant or even submissive (phlegmatic). This will usually determine who will take on the leader role and it has nothing to do with anything ever written in a theologian text.

My second point (and my biggest issue with the PK / religious teaching) by placing this requirement in a “holy book” AND building a religious movement around it is both destructive and irresponsible. By putting a model out there that is based on nothing more than testosterone and the male ego you are setting people for self loathing psychoses and unneeded stress within any relationship.

Case and point If a male is a phlegmatic personality type he will not fit in the model that has been outlined by the religious rhetoric. Constantly reminding him and beating him up about not fulfilling a role that his creator has designed for him is suppose to be constructive how?

Think, people THINK. Something that is so controlling and condescending as religion would only provide a foundation for self destruction or if we are lucky abandonment by those who follow / believe.

And people wonder how someone could ever be an Atheist… ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

It is my sincere wish that you are building a meaningful relationship on love, trust and communications and it has nothing to do with any of that religious drivel.

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About Me

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Houston, TX, United States
I live in Houston Texas, married to my best friend with two wonderful kids (both teenagers). I enjoy philosophy, psychology, theism – atheism, quantum computing. I work in the technology industry with focus on energy and computer theory. I love to engage in discussions of rationality, logic, and reasonability.


Growing Up…
I had a great childhood. I had loving parents and a very easy life. I never wanted for anything. So I was never “mad at god”. I did have a lot of physical problems as a child but I never “blamed” them on anyone or anything. I was just born that way. I believe my parents were “religious” because of my physical birth defects. Because of these defects I spent a lot of time in the hospital as a child. Several times I was close to death. I believe this had a lot of influence on my parent’s belief system.

I have lost friends and family, I have experienced hardships. But that is just life as it happens. I did not have a great first marriage, but I did have two great kids come out of it. I am now married to the most wonderful woman on the planet and am very happy. For the most part life is good. Some have even told me that I have never “found god” because I have never truly suffered in life. That argument doesn’t hold water, but is interesting.

I begin questioning my Christian upbringing about age 10. I was asking questions and wasn’t getting satisfactory answers. I was raised in a small town in east Texas; this does not provide a whole lot of exposure to other religions. As I aged and begin to learn more I found it interesting that there were and had been so many religions and gods throughout the history of man. I begin to question why some believed in one god while others believed in theirs. I wondered how anyone could prove, or at the very least have some level of confidence they were worshiping the “right” god.

I can’t say I ever lost my faith. I never really had any. When I was young of course I didn’t know I was an Atheist. I just didn’t believe what everyone else was telling me. With my friends it never really came up that “I’m an Atheist”. When I told my mother I didn’t believe in god she just dismissed it as something I was going through. My father was indifferent to my proclamation. My closest friend is Jewish. I try my best to honor his belief system and he reciprocates.

Focusing Thoughts…
Once I realized that there were so many different religions it just seemed clear to me that none of them were real. Then I learned that there was a name for what I believed and it is called Atheism. Once I found others who believed as I did I begin to learn more about the religions and how they controlled so much of our lives. I wanted to know as much as I could about all of them. I even wrote an anthology paper in collage on how everyone could be worshiping the same god, just using different names.

I find it extremely easy and comforting to be an Atheist. Life is very simple, and so much less complicated. I follow simple rules for living; be nice to all living creatures, and the earth. Don’t think that you are better than anything or anyone else. I don’t think this is an original way of thinking or living but I don’t subscribe to it because it is part of some other philosophy, it simply feels like the “right” way to live.

I do tend to “pick on” Christianity more than other religions simply because it is the one that is most prevalent and intrusive in my life. While I think extremist or radicals in any religion are responsible for a large majority of the damage done to humanity, I also believe anyone who follows that religious teaching is responsible. You are responsible because you do not get to pick and chose which part of a religion you want to follow. Saying that you are against gay marriage while you are eating a bacon sandwich just doesn’t cut it with me. (If you don’t understand that last sentence look up the Christian bible and refer to the book of Leviticus.) If you only pick out the parts of a religion you want to follow you have just created a new religion.

I do make it evident in my life that I am an Atheist. I have a bumper sticker on my vehicle, I have sayings and quotes around my desk at work or around my house. I do this to let others know who they are approaching if they want to engage me in conversation or wish to ask questions. Just as others put “fish” on their vehicle or place religions symbols around their house.

Why am I an atheist? Because I ask questions and ask for the answers to be empirically evident. I consider my self to be a rationalist. I do not believe in faith, nor do I believe in statements like “we can not comprehend.” Do I have all the answers to life’s questions? Well of course not. It just means that we don’t have all the answers. I also believe that when we die, we just die. We are no different that any other living organism in the universe Wow is it really that simple? Yes it really is that simple. We just keep investigating the world around us as we have done throughout history. I have enough answers to get me through this thing called life. I will enjoy it while I am here and try to help those I care to help along the way. I will do so based on a moral compass in my heart, not one dictated by a religion.

Have a great day
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